We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
