That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
