Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
