I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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