i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
