i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Terrible idea I love it
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
