didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
