mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
