Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
