I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
