We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize