if only i could text you this smell
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm always down for nudity.
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