I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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