My liver just broke up with me...
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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