Me too!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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