No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
