I wish you could order shots online.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
