Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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