I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
