I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
