No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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