Dude my mom stole all your condoms
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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