Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
