My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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