Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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