dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
