I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
