New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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