Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
