OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
