I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize