i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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