I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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