I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
