I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
