apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
