may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
