the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
