I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
