Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
