My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
