you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I am midnight drunk by noon
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize