he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
