im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
