i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
