I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
