New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
