you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
