i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
