i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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