Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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