I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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