Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Success! We fucked roommates!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
