he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
