Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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