I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
