this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
