yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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