Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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