She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal