Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.