I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
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I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
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It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.