I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
