didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
