I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
