she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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