I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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