Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
