I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
