There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
