brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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