so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
