fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
