Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
