I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
