Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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