Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
