The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
