i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
