For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
