I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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