You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
