Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
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That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
we should paint friendship bongs
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