woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
