i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
