If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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